


Adventures of Sakura Hime

by JacobThePrecious (LordiTheUltimate)



Category: Death Note, Final Fantasy VII, Naruto
Genre: Add more as I writE, Awful fanfiction, F/M, Parody, horrible, shit fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-04-25 07:02:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4951066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordiTheUltimate/pseuds/JacobThePrecious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Parody of bad OCs in fanfiction written in  15 minutes<br/>DISCONTINUED</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. KONICHIWA, WATASHI WAS HIMESAMA SAKURA. WATASHI WAS KAWAIi!!!

**Author's Note:**

> This is a parody of all those bad OC stories, and how they claim that the characters of course are oh so original and unique. I have a long history with them, some of it is very personal.  
> So I decided to write this piece of elephant dung in under 15 minutes and call it a day.  
> Comedy isn't my forte but I've wanted to do this in a long time so here it is.  
> If you find it somehwat entertaining, that means that I did something right. Enjoy.

“Ohaio!!” screamed Sakura Himesama, as she twirled into the class room, her beautiful rainbow-colored hair wayved behin her as she dances gracefully. He neko ears twitched as so did her two neko tails. Sakuras himehair was long and beautiful, shinning in all colors of the effing rainbow, reachind down her ankles. All the bois in school wanted to screw her because she was so effing beautifyl with beautiful orbs-like eyes that changed colorofter her mood and today they were blue beause she was happy. (:-D)

Her cursed katana with the powers of Darkness hang around her waist. Because Sakura was half angel half demon half shingami and half God (No mary sue, guise!)

Sakura Himesama was wearing a beautiful black sailor fuku with a leather miniskirt (she’s not a slut!!!) and a spiked ribbon colored blood red. She whore black panties with skulls on them and no bra because her boobies was so big and biyortiful that they didn’t need braas. She had fingerless gloves, all in black. She whore them because she used to cut herself when Orochimaru tortured and raped her and kept her as his personal slave. Also because she was his daughter and she had all the powers of the tailed beasts. Salura doesn’t like talking about her past because it hurtz soo much and then her eyes turn black and she cry and cuts and cry and cut and fuck.

“Hi sakua chan!” Light Yagami (OMG!!! FUCK MISA, STUPID HOE!! >o<) SMILED at his girlfriend as he want over to her and kissed her so deeply that he could taste her breakfast. “You had bento tiday, right baby?” he winked at her Light is so hotz!)

And everyonje stared at them sugoi’ed like OMG! But Sakura was Light sama’s kanojo and all the other bitches could stay away.  Especially that stupid blonde misa (or whas it miso? Whatever. (-_-))

“Sakurasammmaaaaaaa!” Saskye uchiha jumped to his princeess snatching him out of Light’s arms. “Love me, hun!” he begged with tears in his eyes. “You are the only one who understands me!” he glared at the light. “You better treat her well, Dark! She’s the only one who can deal with my totally-out-of-character angst!”

“Shaddup Shitsuke!” Light hissed like and angry puppy (because puppies are so kawaii!!)

“Please don’t argue. I hate when people fight. I daisuki everyone!” Saukra. Broke. Down!!

“Ugh, is she crying again?” Misa rolled her eyes. “Get over yourself.”

How dare yoy! Light yelled a bitch. Sakura chan is hurt, how can you hurt her like that?! Don’t you know her parents was brutally killed before her eyes?”

“Light-kun. Not you too…” Misa sighed, turning her back to all of the grammatically wrong idiots.

“Why are u so mean, Miso?” (Lolz, get it? like Miso soup! Its japanaese so of course its awesome!) Sakura cried, her eyes had changed to black because she so sad, and because Misa was such a bitch!

Suddenly everything began to rumble, like there was a effing earthquake!!

I’m going you kill you miso!” sakura screamed, her eyes had turned red. (>:-c)

“UHH! SAKURA IS SOO KAWAI WHENS SHE’S MAD!” ROCK LEE JUMPED FROM THE WINDOW, BUT SAKURA KICKED HIM IN THE NUTZ (lol) AND HE FELL DOWN TO HIS DEATH (because rock lee was ugly and he had really ugly eyebrows and he’s totally fay for neji and neji is not a gay! His cool because he is mi- sakura’s boyfriend #17, but sakura is not a slut okay?)

“Please leave me alone.” Misa rolled her eyes so hard, they might as well be stuck in the back of her head. She got op from her Seat, and was about to walk out the door when Sakura’s black demon wolf with 43 tails and angel wings that shined like the light jumped down from the heavens and blocked the door. The wolf was bestowed upon her by the Gods at birth.

“Sweet baby Jesus, what now?” Miso almost yelled in frustration. Son of a Bitch, now she was stuck here with this rainbow colored psycho chick!

What will happen next, find out!!

Also sakura is not a mary sue, she’s super kawai with special powers that can if she’s mad enough destroy the entire effing universe (but that’s not gonna happen because sakura is daisukied by everyone and her nakama! Except from Misa because she is  BITCH!!!

NO HATERS!!!!!!


	2. Desu Ne??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, It feels so great to write shite after a good vacation.   
> This took me 20 minutes becasue I was babysitting at the same time.

“Sakura chan, look out” lighto-kun called out because salura was his beloved. From the floor something pink erected from the ground. A giant Sakura Harona!!! (OMG!!)

“WHERE IS ASKUKE KUN????” she screamed so every single glass exploded in the whole school exploded into a megatrollion little pieces. Sakura Himesawa’s beautiful orbs wieden until they could wided no more and she gasped as her orbs turned green (surpize!)

Haruno-bitch-chan’s moth opened and something black jumped out, headimg towards sasuke.But Sakura’s demon angel wolf catched the thing in its mouth and it turned out, It was white.

“No way! Orochimaru!” Sakura gasped.

“My daughter!” Orochimaru gasped back, as his eyes began to water up.

“Wait, weren’t your parents mauled.” Misa crossed her arms.

“Only her mother, you blood insensitive witch. Her mother died whole given birth and I had to give her up.”

“Oh dear, can it get even more cliché? Why don’t you just tell her she’s God incarnated.”

“Oh, how did you know?” Sakura’s deer pappy tilted his head as snakies fell out of it.

“Son of a bitch, forget I asked!” Misa found some space where she could stand and sulk like that baby she was. (HAHA, go sulk in the sad corner!)

“Wait oto-san! Why do you wanna Sasuka?” Sakura jumped tp her fathers aid.

“Because I came to tell you that you and and sasuke kunare invited to your rbothers wedding.”

“Wait, Onichan!!! He’s getting married?????? FOR REALZ??????” Sakura’s beautiful, magical eyes brimmed with excitement as they shined in all colors of the rainbow.

“L-kun is getting ,arried to Mello.” Haruno gagged.

“Hurray!!!” everyone cherered except for Misa who was just a sour lemon with constant PMS.

“But we got to hurry. The Akabakatsuki is on their way to crash the whole thing!” Orochimaru yelled.

“Party foul!” Light screamed back. He pulled out his Death Note from his butt and opened it. “Give the names!”

“Lighto-kun. I don’t want you to kill. I don’t want… *sniff* war!” Sakura collaped to her knees as her eyes turned black. Why did people fight all the time, It wasn’t fair!!!! It flt like athouand needles got stuck in her throat whenever someone was fighting. It. Hurt. So. Mucch.

ANGST!!!!!!

“My love. I wouyld never hurt you!!!” Light jumped to Sakura

“Nighter would I!” Sasuke jumped to Sakura

They both embraced her so her orbs turned blue with happiness.

“And I was once in love with Light. What the fuck happened?” Misa thought back on her past mistakes and life as a prostitute. (She probably have STD after whoring around with Haruno, WHO STOLE MY CHARACTER’S NAME!!!)

\----------------------------Some time later-----------------------------------------

“L-KUN!! I LOVE YOU” MELLO SMILED AS TEARS KEPT FALLING DDOWN ON HIS PALE FARSE.

“MELLON-KUN!!! I LOVE U 2!!! L CRIED AS HER EMBRACED HIS LOVE. SO KAWAII!!!

But suddenly the Akabakamakatakatsuki appeared and crashed the weeding by eating the cake!!!

OH NO, CAN SAKURA SAVE HIS ONICHAN AND RESCUE THE HAPPIEST DAY OF HIS LIFE.

FOND OUT!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might only be five or six chapters or something like that, depending on how motivated I am.   
> While it may be fun to write, it's hilariously awful to read it all again.


	3. DAISUKI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, aint I sweet?? Two chapters in two days! Ok, chapter 2 was written during the week but I had no internet so I couldn't post it.  
> It seems to do fairly well so I'll likely post it on FF.net too.

Ok ok, It was tim for Sakura himesama to gear up to SAVE HIM ONICHAN!!!!!! And of curse, she need to lok übar sexi!! So sakura toke some transparant lacy wonderwear colored black like sasukes hair and the dakrwsst of derp nights. She then pulled on her black sailor  fuku shirt with the blood red ribones letting her byortiful Rapunzel raibow ancle.length hare, that sparkled like a star trek night. (Star trek is cool, am I raite???) the sailor fuku exposd her j cup as her big bobbies jiggle wit any move she make. Finding her blak as naight sailor fuku miniskirt that shoved off her tiny kawaii butt. Sakura den found a fishnet stocking and took it onn. Finding her red convoice with kawaii skulls on them. She tok them on her long skinny model like legs. Uhh sakura need to loose some weight, she’s 65 kilograms. (BUT SHE IS NOT FAT!! SHE JUST NEED A LITTLE LESS WEIGHT TO BECOME AND MODEL) Sakyra tok her katana and her demon angel wolf with 43 tails and angels wings that shine like the heavinly light of pure Jesus.

Light stood around and cocked bennto when he saw his beatifal lady-love and only and only prick(princess) sakura himesawa. Aloha he sad, smiling as twenty newborn babies. Ola said sakura as she dancingly twirled to her love her Rambo hair flowing like sakura petals in de nailed wind. Her eyes were glowing blu like the sinful sea.  R u redy to go? Lighto-kun asked ut before he could speal more a loud KABOOM suddenly came fram the backyard of ythe school.

OMG whats up??? It is the AkabakamakaSnukatsuki!!!

No, u bich!! Ino fapped her hare. Choji just farted.

Ahhh, yokata!! Sakura sighed wipping off  sweat beds ass she look to choji (fat fuck)

You baka!! How dore u??? SAKURA WAS PISSED OFF!! HER DEEP OBRS TURNED RED AS THE BLOODIEST OF BLOOD AS SHE SLICED CHOJI UP LIKE HOW THEY SLICE UP SUSHI AT KING’S.

BAKA BAKA BAKA SAKURA SCREAMED SO ALL DE GLASS BROKE INTO PIECES. “Shut the fuck up, snowflake!!” Misa screamed from the bench se shat at and reading some stupid Shakespeare shit. “The police are gonna throw you into jail for that! And get some pants on, please!!” Miso-soup grunted like the sour bich she is. (just die misa!!!)

SILENCE OROCHIMARU SLAPPED MISA ACROSS HER STUPID FARSE WITH A SNAKE AND IT WAS SOOOOOO SUGOI!!!

YAY!!! LUV U PAPPA! SAKURA JUMPED BACK AND 4TH. Wow sakura, your dad am cool sasuke sugoi’d with her.

“Fucking hell…” miss-bitch got up from da ground and dusted some shite of her slutty outfit. Se’s so emo!!   

Suddenly a car came crassing thou the school gates and almost ran over the dog-pedophile kiba. The dor opens and out cums L and Mello. Mellon is hurt and had turns green. (like a watermelon, GET IT???)

Onichan sakura said her beattifal orbs turning orange as she ran to her beloved onichann oichan she screamed, so happy and sad. I thinked tht the Akakakakrottsuki  had mauled you. Im so glad, yokota!!”

“Get off me please.” L snarled as he rolled his eyes, HE SUCH A TSUNDERE AS HIS FARSE GETS RED. Mellon nodded an as it turns out, he was justeating a watermelon. He looked fat. (fatty, hehe)

U gain weight, mellon? Sakura googled to her bother-in-law. “No. I’m suffering from a serious unexplained disease called Male-pregnancy. It happens when ignorant fans gets full of themselves and takes a huge shit on a very specific word that sets the ground rules for every human being, be  it real life or fanfiction. I think it’s a word, you’ve prpbaly had shoved into your stupid little face a numerous times considering you are a high school student. That word, mind you is in fact called… Biology.” Mellon was so dangerously close to throw that melon in sakura’s face. But seriously he would never do that because L  was afterall her ponichan!!

You got preggas!!! SUGOI MELON!! Sakuras eye grow so big that they almost poop out if her head.

“Yes I am. Thank you Sakura Himesama. Thanks to your freaky fantasies and shitty writing, I’m a fucking seahorse.”

“Oh and by the way. The ‘father’ is Matt. L is just the best man.”

You wrere unfaithful to onichan!! How dare u!! SAKURA BLEW UP DRAWINGER HER KATANA AND HER DEMON ANGEL WOLF HUMPED TO HER AID. I’M GOING TO KILL UUUU!!! SHE AIDS AS HER ORBS TURNS RED AS MISA’S PMS.

SEE? YOU MADE ME THINK OF MISO’S TAINT!! SAKURA CRYED. WHY WAS EERVYONE SO MEAN TO HER?? THEY TREATED HER SO BAD JUST BECAYSE HER PARENTS DIED A HORRIFIC DEATH AND SHE WAS RAPED THROUOUT HER WHOLE LIFE. AND SHE WAS BULLIED CONSTANTLY JUST BECAUSE SHE WAS SO FUCKING BEATIFUL!!! WHYYYYY!!!!

But a cannonball amost hit Sakura and when she looked up with beartifully cursed eyes she swa the AKASNOOKIE!! (HOLY SHIT)

Sakura, Im gonna kill dat arse kanon (or whats her face) skimped t sakura but sakura just cut her head off and the demon angel wolf with 74 tails ate her corpse. U wanna hurt my onichan!!! She sad preparing to kill those sun of a bitches.  

SUGOI DESU NE?? THE BATTLE IS ON!!!   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mello is joining the sanity wagon. Poor seahorse.  
> Ok, I am aware that her name is Konan, I just wanted to be a fictional prick and make stupid refrences to the camera-company.   
> Also The “Convoice/Converse” is actually inspired by my mother, who pronounces many brand-names wrong. Another example is Snapchat = Snip Snap. And Toys ‘R’ Us TO Toys ‘N’ Stoys. Kings is a running sushi resturant located close to where I live.


	4. SAKURA SUGIO UND EDGY, NE?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second-last chapter folks, I hope you've enjoyed the ride so far.  
> 

U killed Konan!!! Zetsu barked. “u KILLED OUR NAKAMA ONESAMA!!” HE BARLED.

Sakura ist the onli onesamma here, Aloe Vera. Sakue cried blood as he riliefed hes sharingang. Sasuke creamed sakura; who rushed to her luver!! (Semicolons makes watashi smart. Im like that douche, lelouch) my love breathed sasuke s he cried the Nile river of blood.

“Ok. Why are you having your period through your eyes, Sasuke. Last time I checked-“ bitched Mistake. But lighto my(SAKURAS) hero helped sakura by saying. Silecene!!!

“Oh no, I’m giving birth!!” scream Mellon. Onisama-in-law-kun sakura humped to his aid. Where do the baby come out? She questioned as her neko ears twicted in confision. L, helpme plz!!! Wut aboot (Door)Matt? (Get it, like doormat????!!) I need u here as da father, L. you gotta do the right thing, L!!!

“Mello! In last chapter, you said Matt was the father, not L.” Misa facepalmed so hard that I think her brian was damaged a thousand times.

Do it, like matter anyways? Deidara, the fag twingled his blonde hair. (ok Im not hating on gai, ok? I just dont like obnauseous gai guys like Gai)

Who cares, lest just kill them hoes and move on. Pain commanded as all of his weird sibvlings, separated at birth came from nowhere and transformed to ythe twelfth tailed cockroach.

But salura, transformed into a giant beauytiul beuty pony-demon-angel-God-Shinigami-unicorn with 69 tails and her cused darlness katana as horns (shes a alicorn!!) and now she had the power to DESTROY DA WHOLE WORLD!!! Oh and she were 188 feet high (on crack, LULZ!! NO SRSLY, sakura is oerfect in every other worls and dus she don’t smoke or drink or smoke pot or do drugs or swear, and she was never let anyone hurt her nakama and daisuki sasuke and lighto and now utatchi.)

SAUKURA-ojosama MY LOVE, DONT KILL ANYONE PLZ. ITACHI JUMOED TO THE UNICORN AND RIDE IT ALMOST TO HELL. BUT SAKURA HIMECORN WOULD HAVE NO OF IT. itachi-kun.., plz dont. I luv u too much!!! Sakuras eyesturns black. YOU WILL DIE IF YOU RODE ME TO HELL!!! IT DONT MATTER I LOVE U SAKURA-CHAN.

Sugoi slackura is so pretty sugoi’d the other members of the Aakatokyostuki.

WATASHI AM GOD-KAMI-SAMA! SKURA TURNED TO A GORD AS ITCHITACHI WAS THROWN OF LIKE A SACK OF PATOTES!!

ONISAMAAAA!! CRIED SKYESUKE AS HIS ONICHAN FLELL FROM DA SJY SORING THROUGH THE SKY AS A EAGLE.

And then he crashed on the ground and died. But only almost.  

Itatchi!!! Cried kisame who was totally gai for itatchi kun but no one like him because he smelled like pearl harbor and not like sushi and because Sakura himesama’s favorite is sushi and evrrything Japanese, no one liked kisame.

Bot don’t worry guise!! Sakura daisuki mina-san! Not misa-san! But because she had the power to detroy the world she was fused with her darkness katana which she uses to drw heroglyphs in katakana and hiragana and kanji because sakura is a master of 13 languages. But Japanese is her favotite.

So sakura morphed with her demon angel goat wolf with 242 tails and becausem a beautiful angel who daisuki’d everyone but her Shinigami half couldn’t control her owers and thus she became evil against her will and she killed all the members of the akacarotsuki except for itatchi and sasori.

Icant control my inner demon god thingie (can’t deside what sound most edgy) somebody healp!!! Saklura had become a slave to orochimaru’s magic justu when they parents gave birth to them.

All horiible memories pf her horrible past exploded in her face and it made her cry so much. She wanted to cry and cut so the misury would finally end. She saw all her nakama die, it was so bad and angsty!!!

Sakuyras powers exploded as she took her catana in a fit of rage and sliced the school in halft.

Oh no!!!! how will sakura get out of this one???? Find out on the totally epic adventures of Sakura Himesama.

 

* * *

A/N: 

Didn't know how to post this otherwise so here it isSakura Himesama has her very own (un)original artwork!!

This took me no time to make! Thank you, Microsoft Paint!!


	5. Sayonara Sakura Himesama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura gets some opposition or so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final Chapter!! Hope you've enjoyed the ride so far.

WATASHI MUST FIGHT FOR THE SEKAI AND MINA-SAN! THIS ISN’T EVEN MY FINAL FORM! SAKURA MELINNA EDGEPRINCESS TRANFORM TOO… PRINCESS SAKURA HIMESAMA!!! And skura transformed into da beautiful of all angels in the whole world when 232 wings and 11 wolf tails. And she had all da powers in the world and cold destroy the world with one sugoi swin from he katana of DRAKNEESS!!!

“Are you kidding me? Last chapter you were some kind of evil underlord!”

“Yes but with da powa of ai!!! I can overcum everything with all of me nakama!”

“The hell did they do? Chewing the scenery while you bended the rules of the world into-“

Sakura sama is soo sugoi!! We wore so baka not to see it before. Now we kno! And knowing is halph the battle! Sugoid Sasori and itachi-kun. It made sakura go shiawase and her kokoro doki doki’d hard insid her chest. And they intrupted that miso-soup (ha!!!).

It’s a boy! Crued L-onichan who had now bccomed a dady. OMG SUGOI!!! Sakura was soooo happy, because her onichan had a baby an she wasnow and aunt. Mellon-kun cried of happiness too, or maybe he was just sad becayse then he couldn’t be together with Matt and some loosers’ favorriyte looser ship is broken 4ever, haha! L und Mello is the OTP, BICHES!!!

ANYWAY, Sakura then turned back to normal and evrryone was haopy to see that she didn’t destroy the world beacue sakura could never doo that because her nakama loves her and she loves her nakama.

Hime-chan, whill you marry me? asked Lighto kun shyly blushing as burning tomates. Marry me 2 himachan! You are the only one who understand my only defining trait in the fic, my ungodly unnatural edgy angsty angst! You are just ass tortured as I, my luv!!!”

Oh no, it was too much for sakura, she didn’t know who to choose. And who was supposes to take her viginity beacue only the man of her yume could take her viginity beacue sex before marriage is what whoores do, like misa. It was so totures for her to choose, why??? The pain was soo horrible. She had to choose between the two out of seventeen who

“Oh gee, Sakura. It must be hard to be so modest and yet still dress like the demonic love child of Sailor Moon and Hot Topic?” Misa rolled her syupid little eyes, that bich!

Shuttup miss bicth” u just mad, Lighto kun married me and not you. Go have kira or that asshat matt!

“Hey genius, stick to canon please! Kira and Light are the same person.”

Duh, I new that! Sakura pwned Misa. Good one sakyra, sasori and itatchi and light and dark and sasuke and onichan-L all sugoid of how smart sakura was.

But anyways everything was ok now because Sakura had the power to destroy the world but she did nut and dat was all ok. But not everything was ok because suddenly Kakashi jumped from a airplaine and landed right in front in Sakra farce.

Himesama. I woul totally marri u but theres no time! A huge comet is heading to earth and only you can stop because the prophecy demands a owerpowered half angel half demon half Shnigami and half God to sacrifice her own blud in order to save the Sekai.

OMG ITS GONNA DESTROY EATH, BUT DON’T WORY MY SUPER EDGEPRINCESS POWERS OF POINTLESS ANGST AND UNREALISTIC DARKNESS WIL SAVE US ALL!!

So Sakura jumped to the heavends and there it was the geiant comet. It was ass large as Saturn and was a glowing red hot mess just like misa’s face… wait a minute?

It looked exactly like Miso???!!! WFT???

And yes, from the heavens came what would for some seem like a comet but no; what arrived from the heavens was a comment. A statement to the likes of Sakura Milenna Edgeprincess Himesama.

GET. OF. THE. INTERNET.

It was super effective, hitting Sakura so hard in the head, that it almost cracked open like a coconut. Maybe that would put some common sense into this twisted mess of a shameless wish fulfillment.

H0 DARE YOU TO HURT THE PRINCESS OF KONOHAGAKURE!! Don’t you know? I’M THE EIGHT HOKAGE!!

LOL YA, SHES SOOOO MCUH BETTER OF THAT BAKA NARUTO ANYWAYS LIKE DUH? Ino rolled her eyes like that stupid blond she is.

Don’t said at about my bofriend!! Sakura snarled as she tok the coment off her heed and trhowed at ino so the bitch died. I amthe one tru ai of Narut0s life. Hinatas useless, she had no pain an angst in her laife so she dont understand nothing abiut him. only me! fuck hinata!!

Canon or Konan can go fuck itself!! Becuz watashi is the totoured princess of-

“Shut your mouth, your horrible mongrel! Insensitive, inbred piece of entitled attention-seeking elephant turd! I am sick and tired of people like you going all ‘Kawaii’ and ‘Sugoi’ and thereby butchering another nation’s language. A language, you clearly have no understanding of! Hell, you can barely speech English!” Misa Amane swiftly interrupted Sakura’s declaration of ridiculousness.

SHADDAP MISO!! YOU ARE SO BAKA, YOU RETARD!! Sakuas eyes turned blood red as the reedest of bloods.

“First; ‘Baka’ my ass. Don’t throw Japanese word all over the place like confetti just because you think it sounds cool. Second: don’t call people retards when you spell like a retard. Actually scratch that, don’t ever utter the word ‘retard’ as an insult. It’s insensitive and just shows how fucking immature you are.”

Watashi’s not imarure! I have more oppai than u!! Sakura drew er darkness katana. And darkness came from it because it is so angst and darkness. “Yes, because flaunting your boobs totally doesn’t make you a tart. Am I right?”

No… all I every wanted was to be loved by everyone. Is dat a craime??? Her eyes turned black as she was totally sad know (How dare that misa insult my story. Don’t she now that I cant get bedder if she constantly shit on me all the time??? Me no likey!!)

Watashi wanted to write a biyortiful story aboot me, the magicak princess whosaves everyone! And I wanted all the hawt guise to date me and worship me like the goddess of cussed perfection. Which im tottaly are!!

“Well get a fucking dictionary then. I’m not going to take pity on you when you’ve spend four chapters calling me a bitch, a whore, an emo slut and a miso soup, all spelled incorrectly. Your annoying ass can be thankful that I’m not writing it down in this!” Misa pulled out her death note, dangerously waving it in front of Sakura’s face.

Demo… demo… 

“Demo nothing. I’m done with ya! I am so done with every idiotic motherfucker and their out-of-character personas in this shitfest. I’m leaving and I’m taking all the canon female characters with me before you can butt-rape them with your hateful stupidity.”

“Oh, and I’m also doing this:”  Misa snapped her emo fingers.

Aloud ringing sound tortured Sakura’s eras as the poor kanajo collapse collapses to the ground, crying loudly foir someone to to help her!! So much pain!

But no one come to help her. And she collapse in loose her conciousennesse.

\----------------------------

“So Mello did you really give birth?”

“Of course not. What do you take me for? It was just a random doll I found to make Hime silent and throw her into the illusion that her sick fantasies could be real and be able to live on without anyone battering an eye.” Mello threw the doll into a nearby dumpster.

“Why does my breath smells like old sake and donut?” Light asked ,looking for a nearby store to buy some toothpaste.

“Because you made out with her in the first chapter?”

“Haha, Sasuke. Really funny.”

“Do I look like a person who lies?”

“Oh… Oh!”

“Orochimaru, was she really your daughter?” Sakura sat down on a nearby bench. “No. I do not have time for such pointlessness. I believe her family lives in Minnesota. And they are not dead.

“Hey, everyone I brought some dumplings!” Rock Lee came walking from the other side of the street. “Lee? I thought you were dead.” Sakura couldn’t help to contain her happy smile. “How did you survive?”

“If I can survive getting my limbs broken numerous times, then there is no way that I couldn’t have survived that.” He winked.

“What about the Akatsuki?”

“Ah yes, they’re busy with more important manner. In fact they couldn’t be bothered to appear in this horrid scenario so they just sent puppets instead.”

Everyone sighed, including Ino and Choji.

“Well it does make you wonder. What ever happened to Himesama?

“Let’s just hope she gets banished to the fiery pits of Hell and her tale may live on for all to see and laugh at. Right, Light?” Misa looked at her old flame rekindled.

Light rolled his eyes. but at least everyone was back to normal.

\---------------------------------------------------

Where is Watashi? Sakura looked up and saw that she was in some kindo fiery world with goats and quilfishes and other ugly animalz.

**Sakura Milenna Edgeprincess Himesama. Welcome to OC purgatory.**

**You have been brought here because your story has been bashed for plot inconsistencies, OOC tendencies and grammatical errors. Other offences include character bashing and oversensitivity towards logical criticism. For your crimes, I must pass judgement on you.**

**Explain your case.**

I oly want to write storu aboyr nakama and ai! I promiz I do better!!! Plz!!!

**With your recent behavior, I have yet a reason to believe you.**

I promise!!! Onegai shimasu!!

**I will give you a second chance. Prove to me that you are capable of believable writing. Also I cannot be otherwise too bothered with this shit because there are real people who deserve a better ass-whopping. Be gone before I chance my mind!!**

Arigato Satan!

 And so thus the Adventures of Sakyra could containue on a new with nore ai more nakama and more superpowers. However unbeknownst to Satan, Sakura had n intention of helping wiyth her powers on the keyboard.

She has more… devious things in mine. And mina san will pay!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, a highly ambiguous ending indeed. Granted I had little intent of working on this little project, since I had a load of another stuff to do. And I had a hard time coming up with an ending that would suffice.   
> But honestly I found it fun to write so the possibility of part two is there. But only maybe.


	6. Sakura-Chan Returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura Milenna Edgeprincess Himesama has returned from OC purgatory because the plot demanded it. Now she has returned a a angsty jerk and thus must save the world!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Allrighty, here we go again. I showed this to my friends that they loved it and asked me to write more. So here you go, angsty edgy sakura instead of kawai happy sakura. Enjoy!
> 
> Also brownie points to everyone who gets the anime references.

Sakura chan never died, that stupud misa misa could never defeat him. how can evry one be so baka dat they think sakyra is gone???! She is the main shojo afteralll, ne???! the chonsen on, the one who will save  the sekai.

So sakura (she’s so sugoi because she’s my character, original and badasss. No steal!) rose from the pits of hell. Her rainbow hair now reached down to her angels and her eyes was a constant blud red. She was wearing a sexi sailor fuku leather uniform that showed off her pentagram pircing in her belly botoom. The suit also showev a lot of cleavage but it was needed cuz sakura had a j cup after oll. Her top had a red scart with skull clips. She she was also wearing a black lether miniskirt complete with red trims, that showed off her black and red lingerie shimapan pantsu. She whore her black convoice sneakers and fishnet stockings. Sakura was badass spo she needed blood redd nailpolosh and balck lipstick and black masacara and black eyeliner.

“Ugh mina is so baka. Why must watashi be the chosen one to save the universe! So annoying!! Fuyukai desu!” sakura cussed uner her breth., the world was evil, and so cruel and beryone was baka!

\------------------------------------- **AT THE SAME TIME, WHICH SHOULDN’T BE IMPORTANT BECAUSE SAKURA IS THE MAIN HIME HERE!!!!** \-----------------------------------------------------------------

Misa that stupid yamarin (also for you people who are too stupd to understand Japanese, because japan is da best contry evah yamarin means slut! And thatis exactly was misa is. A baka yamarin!) sat down with her copycat goth suit, stuyffing her retarted face with sushi and bento. Abut wut was annecceptable was that that miso was trying to sleep with my-sakura’s man! Howdared she!!!

“So uh, how’s your studies coming up?” maso opened her stupid moth. “You underestimate me, dear. With my intelligence, I do not need school.” Light pulled out his Death Note. “You of all people should know that.”

But unbeknowt to them both,Sakura had her very own Death nite called the Ultimate Kawaii Death Note that had the powers to call upon the gods, kill people, transform into a twin headed dragon and make people fall in love with SAKURA-CHAN EARNING it the nickname Death Note of Ai!!

“Is it me or did the world get a lot more twisted just now?” Misa questioned as her stupid little orbs for eyes looked at Ino yamahaiamanaka. I dont know ino rulled her eyes.

Mina will pay for sakura’s misfortiune. So because she was rightfully pissed she stromed off to misa and ino and lighto-kun and sasuke-kun and pappy-orochimaru-kun and onisama-L-kun and Mellonbread-kun and Lee-baka and the akabakingtsuki.

“For the love of God, I thought I got rid of you!” Misa scremed her face off, jealus of course because Sakura Hime-chan was more badoassu and sugoi and kawaii than her. Also she had bigger boobs but Sakura is not a slut, k?

Anymoo,Sakura returned from the cicles of hell because she was so badass but it had been so agony forher beacue she was so beautiful and it was a curse and because she still had the power to destroy the universe and thu Satan wanted to marry her BECAYSE OIF HER CURSE POWERS (GASP!!) also he stole her darkness katana and her 54 tailed wolfie, bestowed upon her from the goods but that was okai.  

“Watashi has been thru hell and beyond. How dare u talk to me like dat, anta! (to you idiots, who are totally not Japanese like watashi anta means you but like the you you say to retarded assholes you doesnt daisuki Japan. JAPAN IS EVERYTHING!!!!!! BENTO!!! See,I can speek japanaese)”

 “Now, lighto kun return to me!” rfucking hell!” sakura opend her Ai note and wrote lughto-kuns name! und thas how lighto returned to his soon to be bride. Sakura chann, plz marri mee!! Lighto kneeled before her, crying tearfully. I’m missing you so much, now I can finally give all of my attention to you and completely act out of character. I daisuki you!

Not now, Lighto-sama! Watashi must fufill the prophecy!”

“Prophecy? What prophecy? What crazy plot-point did you now throw in this time to fuck over canon?”

“Urusai, yamarin! Watashi mustr save the wordl from Satan. It has ben written by the gods. Also I wanna kick his ass because he raped me.”

“Excuse me? did you just casually said you was raped?”

“Hai!”

“Motherfucking hell! What, are you crazy? You can’t just throw something in the ring like that! What is wrong with you? And people said I was loco!”

“Are you baka? He r.a.p.e me! satan did, so now watashi must kill him and get back what is mine. The throne of the wunderworld as its rightful queen. I will rule over all of the OC’s in da world and make them akl canon!”

“Well slap my melonbuns and call me Shana. I think I’m going to stop you then.”

“Ha! Never! You can’t stip me, I have a dath note! And so do my coming pronce!” sakura pulled out her deth note, shoeing her ultimate prowers. “I don’t give a flying eagle about you or anone. I want what watashi want and you are gong to help me wether u liek it or not”

“What if I refuse?” misa crosed her arms, sulking like a bich.

Sasuke suddenly jumped from the trees, putting a über sharp kunai to her throat. “u are goin todo what mai waifu sais. She is secretly royalty and is the daughter of satan uynd im gonna mrry her”

“Ugh, can you please be consistent with your origin, please? First you were the princess of Konohagakure, now you’re the princess of Hell?”

“Watashi is the hime of both!”

“Fuck me sideways. This is going to be the end of me!”

“it sure is, now help our waifu to conquer hell and talke her thrown back.” Lighto and sasuke moved closer to miso, threatning her. “Mis@?”

“It’s Misa, not Mis@!”

“Help watashi on my journey, now!”

“If you’d stop being such a demanding ass, I would consider it. And stop saying Watashi all the time!”

How dared that yamarin call Sakura chan a ass! “You are just a jealous bitch who can onli hope to be as biyortiful as me! not even those retards whocall themselves my nakama are as beautiful as moi! But I donøt need to be beautigul because I am so cursed. My poers of evulzz are had to control! And thus I need arm candy who can help watashi.

“You‘re not making sense right now.

“Urusai, baka before watashi slit your throeat!! Now go on with me journey so we can collect seven balls and get my wish furfilled!!

“Sure, whatever makes you sleep at night.” Misa finally gave uo, that stupid miso.  

Now the lpng awaited jourey of Sakura Milenna Edgeprincess Himesama could begain! Sugoi!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, we are just beginning to pick apart the cream from the crap, beginning with offensive plot point involving rape, yes rape. Honestly, it left a very bad taste in my mouth but nonetheless my goal with this was to bring awareness to just how messed up and horrible a rape fic can be if done absoluetly wrong.  
> And that is not the only horrible cliché I'll be tapping into, be very afraid people.  
> I do so hope aspiring fanfiction writers will read this and do some goddamn research before sticking their noses into matters they know jack about and paint a very offensive picture of subjects not to be taken lightly.


	7. MINA-SAN! WE NEED TO MIGETE, NE??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So the journey begins.   
> HAZAA!!

So sakura the qute princess hime embaked in her jornery! Sasuke and lighto-sama loyalty stood bai her side. They grabbed a big-ass cooll carr with skullz and cool emo goth shit on it. Light-kun shat behing the wiel becuz he looks so sugoi behind a car. Dey were on theur way to the different villages and met up with their hokages so they could giube Sakura and army so she could invade hell and tæke her rightfoul place as hells Queen!!

The carr had three rooms so misa sat alone IN the midle section,alone like dat bitc she is. And in the backest back of the carr, sakura HImesama and sasuke sat alone talking about their problemz.

“SASUCKEY-CHAN… I feel so kanashimi-ish. I feel so sad, watashi has did wired feeling that something badz is gong to happen. Watashi am so kowai!!! Sakura clinged to sasuke as she cired bitter tearz and her orbs turned black.

Sakura, mai waifu. I dont know what’s wrong but I protect you!!! I will sacrfize my laifu for you, Mai-HIME!! ´” SAsuke too sakuras hand and squeeshed it hard.

I daisasuke u!

I daisasuke u 2 cried sakura and proceeeeded to make out with sasakue. It was soo hawt and steamy. Sasukue used hi sharringang to see through sakuras clothes and sakura used her darkenss powers to rip off sosakues clothes.

OMG sakuyra u are too sexii! Sugoi’d Sasuke and loked at Sakura’s massive Jcup boobs. HIS WEEPINH MANCARROT RISE TO THE SUN LIKE A MIGHT GIRAFF. Salura feelt soo happy that someone daiskuke her that mch. She couldn’t control herself everyomore so she reached for sasuke’s male obkject and begs him to lover her.

So they made loud loving love of true love and it lasted for hours. It was so magical and wonderful thought Sakura beacue they were not usinb protetction. Beauce that too all the feeling awauy. Sakura couldn’t remember the last time she made sexxx soo sugoi!!

**\--------------------------UNIMPORTANT SHIT ABOUT MISA INCOMMNUNG TO INTERUPT THIS SUPAA HAWT SEXII SCENE WOTH OPPAI AND AI-----------------------------------------------------------------**

So this stupid bitch, Misoya-sauce sat alone in the midle of the cr and stared (author’s note::: I HATE MISA, SHE OS SOOO ANNOYING! SHE’S SA STUPID YANDERE AND YANDERE ARE STUPID. AND THEN SHE TRIES TO RAPE L, THAT SIS SOO BAD. SHE’S SUCH A SLUT SO I HATE WRITING ABOUT HER!!!!!! BUT MY BFF MAINeKo6969 LIKES DA BOCH SO WE ‘RE NOT NAKAMA ANYMORE, JULIE!!!!)

She could her skaura and sasuke have steamy hawt sex in the back of the caar and the whole sexy sex caused and earthquake. (miso is jealous!!!).

“Ugh, this is the seventh time! Hey, nymphos! Get a room!” Misa complained, knocking on the door.

STFU shouted both Sasuka and sakura as they sexed more. “Fine, whatever. Oh by the way, look out for herpes!”  Misa finally leaft themalone and went for Light (gues bitcj can’t get a hawt cute guy to ai her and she’s just jealous!)

Bt before she got into to Lighto-sama, the carr suddenly stopped. Of course, stopid Misa thinks that the sexii sex bwteen Sasuke and Sakura has fucked the car. But she is luckily prven wrong when Light got out of the cockpit amd opened the door AND JUMped out and ran to a person who lies face flirst on the ground.

Butt sexii naked sakura jumpd out with with naked sasuke and looks at the person, stipping they journey.,

R u ok? Lighto jmped forqard and the erson stood up, blood dripped from his nose. Dark red blood. It looked like a woman, and Light gasped loudly!

“Kiyomi???”

Kiyomi (The other slut beside Misa) nodded and pulgged her noice. “Light… I can see you are doing well.” The bith turned toSakura “Greetings.” She sad coledely, like that stuck up prep she is.

“Ugh, great! People, I’m sure I’m not the only who got a life to live so let’s get moving! And Kiyomi, as much as I want to slap you because I can, we don’t have the time for it.” Mis@ opened her stupod moth, that stupid misou soup.

Urursai, Misa. Get back in the car, bad misa! Lught-o came to sakura-chans rescue and baddedd sMisa sform moving her butt outside.

Angry and butthurt, Loosa stromed inside, and sulking like the bich she is (haha!). as SAKURA WAS HAVING this sugaoi talk with Kiyomi and lighto and incited her into the car and join the amy, Misa sat alone.

“I should never have gone with these lunatics! I should have banned that stupid Sakura to the ninth circle of OC Hell and beyond. Misa-Misa could really use an aspirin right now. And a chainsaw!”

“Did someone say chainsaw?”  A voice suddenly said, next to Misa. Which made the stupid blonde squirm in her seat. She was like totally shoked when she saw a white haired hawt dude (who sakura would totally bonde) he had purple eyes.

“What do want cut?” the guy continued.

“Who do you want killed?” another voice suddenly said to the lft. A gui with orange hair sat next tie r.

“I uh, who are you two?”

In dat time, Sakura walkzed in, her j cup jiggled biyortifully in the wind that was not there. She was totally naked!! But sakura is hawt and sexy so it doesn’t matter because all the boys want to bang her and all the girls was jealous of her. The two guys on misas side gasped in totally amazement (lol)!

Oi, anta are you doing? Who r these 2 guise and how did dey com into da carr? Misa did u spread your legz again? U yamarin! Saukra was always right, raight??

“Will you shut up, you three-dollar harlot! You’re the one walking around naked and having loud sex seven times a day and I’m the slut here? Give me a break!” Misa bitched like that btch she was.

“WHAT-EV-UH!! ANYHOO,” SAKURA Turning on the two guise, so she could get dem into her amy. “Watashi is Sakura Milenna Edgeprincess Himesama. Watahsi is totally Japanese and kawaii. U can both call me Sakura Hime or Himesama. Just dont call me Milenna because that hurtz becauz Ororchimaru raped me and he called me that. Yoroshiku, ne??”

Much to Mis@’so stupid annoying joy, the two guise’s jaws dripped to the floor. Not in amazement as they should. “I can’t believe this! What are you?” the white haired doid said in disbelief, making Maa chukkkle.

It was so cruel, they were all so mean to her. It was all Miso-soups fault! Sakura jumped to the the barck of the carr and cried. She dragged out a razor blaze na dvut herself! She felt the pain being relieved from her broken heart as the tousand of pecies of her heart was pit back together and da bludd dripped on te black pleather couch. Sakura dressed herself in black short mini dress with skullz and red frillz and bows and laces. Then she fell asleep to forget this horriblke dat where everyone was so hidoi to her.

How could they???

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“So… what was that about?” the  orange-haired dude asked. He looked kinda stoned, sakura rembere.

“Don’t bother. She’s always like that.” Misa rolllllled her eyes. “Anyway, since you are here and I need some rationality to prevent myself from going insane, I can might as well introduce myself. Misa Amane, the only fucking normal person in this holy abomination of a crossover.”

“…Cool. Suigetsu Hozuki. I could probably use something new to cut in pieces.” The white haired guy smilled, he had shark teeth so it gotter hurt being bit by him. “AND this is-”

“Jugo.” The orange haired guy interrupted.

"So I guess, you are stuck here now like me. Hazaa..." Misa sighed.

"I suppose that's fine enough. You look like someone who could use some company." Jugo tried to smile, despite the nightmare of SakuRA's nakez body burned into his memory.   

Misa smiled and sakura smiled. Even though the bitch had hurt her feelings, she had recruited too more bois into the amry. Sakura slept very deeply.

And the journey continue again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no, that blasted Misa has gotten two love interests who are fairly normal!!! Oh the horror!!!


	8. Sisters Desu Ne?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new character has appeared and SAKURA is about to face an even bigger treat!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES!! Finally got a computer!! Here's my love for your guys, please enjoy!  
> Also since I'm not used to the keyboard of this pc yet, expect looots of spelling errors.

“Ok, let’s forget that you randomly materialized inside a car and help me utilize a plan tp get rid of that Sakura.” Misa’ssyupid face said. she ran a hair trogh he r ugli ass hair that resmebekd piss.

SO suihetsu withhis sugoi shark teeth said “Sure, whatever. She gives me the creeps anyway.” He was stuoid becauce he don’t like Sakura Hime. And in a stori as sugoi and kawaii as this, EVERYONE ahas to daisuki the main character,

So Juugo who look like a retard said this “Allright. What is your plan?”

But that was not importanyt because Misa isn’t the most awesome interesting shoujo. She is a bitch. So their baka plan or whatever can go suck ballz. Unseatd Sakura Hime is about to have some hawt sex with Lighto-kun. (Soo KAWAII!!!)

But nooo, because Sakura’s annoying imoto who is like a total brat, suddenly jumped on the car and crashed through the roof. She had pigtails like Hatsune Miku nut her hair was pink instead of blue or green or whatever. She wore a Japanese ninja kimono in pink and white and she wore those Japanese sandals girks whore to festivals. Her name was Kagami Patricia Imoto Himesama

Where is mai one-chan, desu ne?” Kagami said as her eyes changed color to grey because ehse missed her oneechan sooo much!!!

Kagami wasny annoying she is just a immayure brat but Sakura couldn’t hate her because there are family and Kagamiwas Sakuras best firend and Nakama. Also she had the power to chane color after her emotion, she had the power of a nekomata and derefire had too tailz. Kagami was half angel half demon halt nekomata and half saiyin. (But Dragonball is  a bullshit anime. Its nit a real anime! Anime is supposed to kawaii nit disgusting and boring as Dragonballz. Only faggots watch Dragaonballz!). And Kagamis hair became rainbow colored when she was super saiyin. (

So Kagami twirled and turned to Miso-soup and said in her imoto Kawaii voice. “Mai oneechan!!1!” she cried. Nibidy akes Sakura’s imoto cry. AND NOMONE MAKES SAKURAS IMOTO CRAI!!

So Sakura like the amazing sugoi desu nee shojo onechan she is, jumps out and saves jer imoto

“Kagami, whatr are u doing here??´” sakura ask her as she goives her imoto a tight hug.

“watashi was going to join ur adventure!! It just looksed so kakoi and sugoi desu desu.”

Of coiuese anata can join” sakura squeal in joyz and soon imotos and onechan was going on the greatest adventure evar!

And stupid miso and her retard faggot friends stands and stare like retarded faggot idiotrs. But lighto and sasuke comes and join the hug cuz they are normal human beings.

But someone decides to ruin the moment of bliss and some jerkass decided to suddenly slash the car in half and kill Kiyomi. Her heads was rollin like a marble ball, LOLZ!

“OMG” saasuke gasps, who dared to ruin his limo.

And it turned out… IT WAS THAT GUY WITH THE BIG ASS SWORD FROM FINAL FANTASY, ER CLOUD? SKY? WHATEVCER BUT IT WAS TOTALLY HIM!!!

Sky swung his sword, sayong “SAKYURA, MY LOVE. DESTINI HAS FORTOLD THAT U AND I WAS ABOUT TO GET MARRIED IN THE FUTIURE BUT YOU HAVE TO COME WUTH ME BECAUSE THAT TIFA SLUT WITH THE MASSIVE BOOBS! AND SHES TEAMED UP WITH NTHE AKABAKASTUKI AND OROCHIMARU AND ZABUSA AND THERE ARE PLANNINHG A HUGE ASS WAR AGAISN YOU, TOGTEHR WITH SATAN! SHIT IS ABOUT TO HIT DA FAN!!

Thois lovely kawaii blonde warns mee, he’s sugoi.

SAKYRA MY OVE WHATS GLING ON! SASUKE AND LIGHT gasp at the same ntime, looking at their hero!!!

“Don’t worry, minna. Watashi will save ur asses! Watashi will save the day and then watashi will kick the asses of those douchies! Because watashi is a half angel half demon half shingami and half God! And watashi can do it!”

“With the help of watashi, desu desu ne ne!” Kagami jumped to her onechans aid!

**\-----------------------------------------------------------VILLAIN TIME------------------------------------**

Zabusa sayt on his butt and emoing around not Haku not being a girl and being like too young for him to bone home when PAIN SUDDENLY ARIVES. “Are we ready to utiklize our plan?” he said, in a evulzz voice.

“Yes,” Tobi fools around but he does PRETEND to be like that because hois is crazy and the most crazy and the most evil.

Tifa sits there too. “Yeah, like, I can’t totally like wait to kill that Saku-bitch.´she desveres to die because she is nothing but a stupod dumb little slut who nthinks she is so cool and soo smexy that she can just shove her cunt in everyones face and expect them to bang her! What a whore!!!1!

Like yeah, the other girls who hatering on sakura smiled evily like those dumbv prep bitches at school who is trying to nruin the life of goiod people.

And they are planning to hurt sakura dn sakura doesn’t like that.

But how will she stop dem????+?

OIMG, how will sakura hime kome out of thois kawaii cluster??

Find out next time!!

Sayonarea mina san, watashi daisuki all my fatefullllll readers. (o///w///o)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, I just went there. No need to ask just the hell is going on because I'm currently just pulling memories out of my butt and conveying them into this story.  
> Ten years with crap like this really rapes your sanity...


	9. OMGZZ, DON'T WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING DESU KA??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So we start 9 months after ch8 at a wedding, yay!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, guess I do have a scrip for this after all.

\---------9 months laterzzzzzzzzzzzzzz----------------------------

SO SAKURA AND CLOUD MARRIED AND SAKURA BECAOEM PREGNANT. OF COURSE SAKURA GOT MARRIED TO HER 16 OTHER BOYFRIENDS AND NOW AJD A BBIYATUFL babii named Mirai Uchiha Yagami Strife Himesama and had rainbow hair like her mommy and all of her dads cool pwers. So was so kawaii and adorable not like other babies who drool ans shit and poop and cry all the taime.

Mirai is sooooooooooooo kawaii and has the adorables of asAKURA AND ALL OF HER DADDIES.

She was wearing this kimono baby dress thing that was black and ponk and filled with skuklled. And then sakura wore thie most biyortiful weeding dress in the world with skulls. It was black and red and was designed to look like a succubus dress, sexy and baddass. It revealed a loot of cleavage and a loot of smexy butt. But Skankura isn’t slutter, she is suppa kawai and cool and modest abd diyortiful

BUT Sakura can’t selebrate this joyous moment of blisth the prophecy had ti bee forfilled and Sakura must save da world. And suddenly Tife jumped in with her massiv titties and used boob lazers to destroy the weeding cake and alsmost kill Kagami because slut and sakura gt suppa pissed because no body khruts her nakama and get away frim it (alive!!) BUYT Tifa like that massive yamarin shi was didn’t cre that she was about to ruin the best da of Sakura’s life so Sakura had to drop off Mirai to that stupid blonde Misou-soup who was dumber and sluttier than that stupid bitch blonde Panty.

And then Sakura took her darkness kitana and her darkness wolf with 57 tails and had to battle this Tequila slut in a epic battle of proportions.

Tifawas actually not that bad at fighting as she kicked supaa hard and hurt sakura in the Stomach. Sakura flew over and landed in the cake, ruining her cake. Byt Sakura wasn’t too keen and getting her ass kickded so she commendad her demon wolf to bt Tifa’s head off and eat the reast f her body. But Tifa’s boobs were too big so Sakura just threw them into the ociean where Megalodons just ate them.

“ARIGATOOOO!!” SAID SAKURA, PLEASED WITH HER KILL AND EVENTUALLY EVERYINE SAW HOW SUGOI SAKURA WASS. Sugai and kawai that was

“OMGZ” CLOUD AND SASSSKUE SAID AT THE SAME TIME GAWKING at their amazing waifu “Sakura, you are the best. Satain aint got shit on uu!”

\----------------------Some unimportant bullshit involving Misou and Mirai-----------------------------

(Ugh this part is sooooooooooooooooooo vooooooooooooooring but because Mirai is in it, guess watashi has to rite it….)))))))))))))))

So Misa was stuck in some sort of wapanese weeaboo house created by Sakura’s bullshit imagination builders. Everything in this house was bullshit, here were anime posters on every wall, anime merchandise for as far as the eye could see, futons and nothing in the fridge but Japanese food like sushi and ramen. Shelves filled with nothing but manga, doujinshi, graphic novels and localized Japanese video games. In addition, this entire house smelt like Cheetos and cat urine.

This was a weeaboo heaven. The perfect shit-hole for a person with absolutely no life whatsoever.  

Even this rainbow colored monstrosity resembling a baby with goddarm cat tails had to suffer through this. Misa sighed, wondering where in the name of the Shinigami and everything unholy her life went wrong.

For such a rainbow ice-cream monstrosity, the baby acted like babies should; burbling and saying gibberish. Misa wondered (and smiled in relief) about how she hadn’t inherent any of her mother’s psychological traits. For a baby with such a batshit nutcase for a mother, her brain remained undamaged.

The baby looked at Misa, glossy-eyed and curious, reaching out for her. Misa couldn’t help but react to Mirai’s demands; sure, she looked absolutely terrible with cat ears and demon wings and angel wings and the Sharingan and that over-the-top hair and eye color but appearance wasn’t important.

Misa held the child as she smiled at her, suddenly wondering if she should say ‘fuck it’ to this terrible universe and escape with Mirai. The child already had already suffered through a shit-ton of insanity, ended up with multiple biological fathers, a crazy weeaboo for a mother, and severe mutations that could prove challenging for Mirai later.

Perhaps she had been through enough despite only living for 12 hours.

“What’s that?” Suigetsu asked, crinkling his nose as he pointed at Mirai. Misa turned to him “Would you believe me if I said that Sakura had an orgy with 17 guys, all of whom are the biological father of this child and she gave birth 12 hours prior to a polyandrous marriage neither you, me nor Juugo were invited to. Not that I’m complaining; I’d rather be locked down in a basement, forced to watch Barney the Dinosaur for 10 years.” She smiled at Mirai.

“Oh I should mention that while Sakura neglected to invite us, she had the audacity to drop her daughter off on us like were we a day-care.” Misa put the baby down in the crib. “Sure, I hate her for being a misinformed, misogynistic, borderline homophobic, insensitive and generally ignorant inset-nicer-word-for-egotistical-attention-whore-here and she hates me for no other reason that we’re the same gender but despite all the batshit cray-cray stuff she’s done, I used to think that she at least had some dignity within her.”

Suigetsu couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “Her? Holy hell Misa, your heart is more golden than your hair.” He flashed a smile towards her. “I’m sorry, but she is a lost cause.”

“Exactly.” Misa couldn’t agree more, putting a dummy in Mirai’s mouth. Juugo suddenly walked inside the room, partly hearing the conversation. He already knew what happened because of Sasuke’s scrolls. And here he was to bring another message.

“Sakura just killed someone.” The redhead said. Misa tugged Mirai within the blanket and took the boys outside the room to let the child sleep. “Doesn’t surprise me. So what did she do to deserve a death sentence?” Misa rolled her eyes as she closed the door carefully.

“She had a crush on one of Sakura’s husbands and worked together with that group trying to kill Sakura and her name is…” Juugo searched through the scroll. “Tifa Lockheart.”

“Great.” The blonde girl crossed her eyes. Somehow, she couldn’t help but feel that her time were coming too. She needed to be cleverer; making sure to find a way for Sakura to be sent to OC Purgatory – and stay there. “Ok, we need a way to get rid of her.”

Suigetsu raised an eyebrow, looking at his only allies in this cluster fuck of a story “Cool, soo what do we do? Hack ‘n’ slash our way to stop her?”

“No… but I think I have an idea.” Misa had this clever smile on her lips. “I think she needs… some ‘obstacles’ on her adventure.”

\-----------BACK TO THE BADDASS ACTIONNN------------------

“SAKURA MAI AI! WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING!!!” Lighto kun said as he took his waifus hand. “Watashi knows!!! Ouu watashi better hoped that bitch miska takes care of mai kwaii babbii. I need to take er with watashi so she can see how cool and kakoui and sugoi and kawaii her okasan iss!!” sakura the pretty pricness smilled brighter than a brighter sung.

So she sprutted wings and flew to her dream house to make tsure that misou suop wasn’t killing her child and hpping that that blonde bitch was smart inough to be in responsibility for another human binegs likfe. Because sakura is a cool mommy and she is responsible and she is 1000000000x times a better person than misa can ever beee. But she needs to be fast cuz in the shadown someone is lurking, looking at her slike some perve. That person is going to attack sakura as she embroas on her sugoi journey. 

FIND OUT WHO IT IS DESU!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Misa, you clever witch! What do you have in mind??


	10. Prepare YAMARINS!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to shitlane, my dear readers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I took the last chapter a little to serious. So here's something, we are used to. Enjoy!

(OK, THAT LAST CHAPTER WAS SOO BAD WASN IT??? ITS Totally not nescrsaru to see Mika’s or Misa or Misou perspective because she is a baka yamarin bimbo, right??? Because the the real hime is my awesome OC Sakura chan. She is the MC here, not that stupod slutt misou soup!!)

So sakura got her kawaii babdy from that bitch slut hoe harpy Misa (Watashi hate er soo mjuchh!!!111!!)

Her baba (Mirai Uchiha Yagami Strife Himesama) was the most kawaii in the world. She was half vampire, half shinigami, half angel and half GOD!! And because she was vampyre she had the ability to greow suppaaa fast and then become the third most kawaii and sexxi vampyre OC in da sekai byt that’s not relevant because that’s a story for another doy.

Anyhoo it was Sakuras turn to save da SEKAI BUT OF COURSE SHE had to battle because that’s what himes doe. So that hoe Yuffie teamed up with that bitch nobody likes from Narutp TinTin. Theyare both whores so it doesn’t matter but still they are stupod enough to believe that they candefeat the hima sakura who has the ability to destroy the world because she is the daughter of Orochimaru and the Devil as well. Fuck ‘em!!

Anwayszz Sakura,  flew to Konohagakure where people suddenly hate her. She couldn not understand it;they began throwing rocks at her calling her names and treating her like she was scheize (or whatever, watashi wa speaking German ie, watashi was speaking NIHONESE!!!)

But she did have yo jelp the Hokakge (who was now Tsunade) because the Akabakamakakalamaritsuki was coming to bite herin da azzz and she did not liek Sakura Hime, all powerfull and shit. But rather Tsunade was  A useless pice of boobjob, but whatever. Sakua Hime sat down in the Nihonese hokuge house and talked with Tsunade.

“So Hime, you are the only one who can save us according to the prophecy.”

“NANI?????” WHAT PROPHECY?? *GASP* WAS SAKURA THE CHOSEN 1????

“Yes, you have to sace he world from Satan and Orochimaru and those girlz who try toharm u!!.”

“Demo…*dramatic scene in action*… Orochimaru is my otosan! I can’t koroshite my otosan!! Even though he killed me okasan… what souldi  do desu ka?”

“You have to choze!! Between nakama and sekai!! For the sake of kawaii Nihonji!!” Tsunade stares intensly at SAKURA WHO JUTS ATE THE LAST PIECE OF MAKIGIRI SUSHI!!! “Watashi understand!!” said Sakura as this was her desteniru and as a reward for her sugoiness she and Sasuke could move in together with Mirai and live happily ever after as the new Hokage!!!!11!! OMGZ SUGOI DESU NEEEE!!!!

BUT suddenly the intere building was destroyed and and Tsunade was killed and thus Sakura became the new Hokage!!!It was Zabuse and his boytoy Haku who wanted kill Kakakshi Sensei because reasons and because he was an ass.

He has his giant cleaver thing and attacked Sakura but she as the amazing hima as she was used her demon wolf, who bit the blade in half. Then Skura kicked hum in the stiomach and send him flying in some buildings.

“That was pathetic! Bitch, do you kawaii at all??” Sakura wond that fight. But that was not the end. Haku, the she-male attacked Mirai, whowas in Misou’s arms!!!!!! But Mirai’s suppa Sayin power almost killed him and send him flying over to Zabusa.

“ANTA CAN NEVER DEFEAT THE SUGOI NO HIME! WATASHI DID NOT WANT TO HURT U BUT U asked for it!!1!! BAKA!!”

“Pkease dont kill us!!! You are the strtongest Hime ever!!!”

“That’s right, baka! Watashi is powerful but Watashi donøt use her pwrr for evulz, like u too!!” Sakura gave them the circle of life. “But enough aboyr watahsi! You too were tryong to kill me desu ka? Nande?”

“BECAUSE it was our orders!! Somone ordered yús to do it.” Said Haku in that Yamato Nadeshiko voice of his. “I think her name was Tenten.”

“OH U MEAN TIN TIN??”SAKURA WAS FUROUS!! GHOW DARE THAT HOE TO ODER A HIT ON SAKURA AND HER BABIII!!!!”1112”””CURSES!!!

“OK, watashi is willingto let me live if you, A become Mai Waif-spyes and B if u too become a hawt yaoizz couple because I need some hardcore sexii sugoi kawaii desu ne yaoi!! Do watashi make watashi clear?”

That stupid whore, Misa is suddenly here and juuts looks stupod. (its not like she can do anuthinhg else, sooo….) HAH, what a tool. Anyhoo she is probabl homophobic because ehse stands and slooks at Sakura like the kakoi himechan had a third eye or something. (Lol, nani?”

“Ugh,Misou, wjhat are anta now starin at?? Don’t anta have smething to doo?” Sakura was soooo creaped out. Of course Misa frowns like a baby and sayds tis bullshit

“Can I just say that your head is so far up your ass, that your mouth works like a second asshole with all that ‘Nihonese’ shit you spew?”

HOW COULD mispu said something like that!!! How un-kawai, how terriblye!!! Why did that bitch had to bully Salura like this???!!! And why did she kjust insult the amazking Nihon??????????????!!!! Unacceptable!!!!! “MISOU-BAKA, YOU ARE NIHONESE!” SAKURA WAS SOOO HURTZZ! “HOW CAN YOU SAY SOMETHINGF LIME DAT???!”

“I can say whatever I want. Throughout the span of 10 chapters, I’ve been the butt of your misogyny without end. You call me a bitch, you call me a slut and yet you have the audacity to magically teleport me to your otaku hut, which by the way stinks like Cheetos and Pocky, and use me as the babysitter of your rainbow fruit hellspawn, you gave birth to at the AGE OF 16!”

Misa spat like a crazy ass cobra! She is soooo mean, desu!!! She is aku!!!

“Your child may look like the demonic lovechild of Rainbow Brite and the dark side of DeviantART but she is so cute.” Misa dared to touch Mirai, who was only being nice and smiled. Mirai is too innocent and cute to bee rude and tellthe truth that that whore.

“Don’t you have something to do? Isn’t there a world, you have to save? Why don’t you go on your little journey, while I’ll sit quietly in the corner with a thumb up my ass and serve as another puzzle piece in this plot-point of yours?”

Misou yamarin said and went over to sit on a bench with Mirai, who she continyed to play with. Ugh, so disusting.

In the distiance, stupid Misa with the hair of a sheep stood and gawked like a Magikap. But it was clear that she was plannining something, that baka bitch!!!

ANYWAY, Sakura geared up to contimue her journey!!she wore a very low cut kimono, suitable for ninja fighting. It was black and red with skulls and ravens and crows and blood red Sakura flowers. The was crimson red trims and Sakura had fishnet stocking, the kimono was a little shoirt barely , covereing her kawaii bun . Her rainbow colored har was pulled up in an awesome ninja ponytail that flowed like the summer breeze in July.

Then shehad badass combat shoos!! But she needed to borrow Lighto-kunsDeath Note.of corse!!!!

“Oneesan!!” A fimilar kawai voice called out. “Onechan, a tornado is heading towards Konoha!!!!” but before kawaii Imoto kagami could say anything, the tornado hit the city like trucj and destroyed half of it. All the assholes who bullied sakura was dead  but their innoce nt families had no home!!!

“HAHA, FINALLY I FOUND YOU!!111!!!” A VOICE, a Girley one saud. It was Temari, who was riding a tornado like Indiana Jones riding a crocodile (wait, did that happen??? Whatever, watahsi don’t give a shit about baka American trash)

OMG, SO GOOD KAGAMI SAUD THAT!!! FIND OUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’M SO SORRY!!!! I LOVE ZABUSA AND HAKU, I REALLY DO!!! I’VE NEVER CRIED SO HARD BECAUSE OF AN ANIME SCENE! IT BROKE MY HEART AND FED ME THE SHARDS!!!

**Author's Note:**

> I like all of the canon characters here, so apologies to my fellow fans.  
> I potrayed Misa as the only sane one with no gramma errors because in these fics, the female characters almost end up being potrayed as stupid and annoying. And I'm not okay with that.  
> Hoped you enjoy the shitfest.


End file.
